When saying goodbye is so hard.

One of the hardest things about teaching English in another country is how temporary everything seems to be. For me the decision to come to Istanbul was a permeant one, before coming here I had decided that I wanted to stay and try to create a new life here, however for many teachers it is either a gap year or part of their travels around the world.

So you have to keep it in your mind that you will get close to people and form a bond and that before you know it you have to say good bye. It hurts but it is one of the realities that you have to get used to. So today was one of those days.

In my last post I talked about my girl Brittany's birthday. Brittany I would say was defiantly a good friend, more like a little sister. I felt so protective over her and working and living together meant that we got pretty close. I always knew that Brit was only staying for 6 months and was leaving in July, however last week things changed. She told me her Father was ill and needed to have a serious operation and that she felt that she needed to go back to the States to be with him. Of course this is completely understandable but it still didn't change thefdact that it was so sudden.

For the next few days it didn't feel real and it only hit home this morning when I had to say goodbye, at the apartment door I gave her a massive hug and felt my eyes well up with tears, knowing I had to teach in a few minutes I tried to hold back the tears and be strong, however as I hugged her goodbye she thanked me for my friendship and began to cry, that was it next thing you know I am crying, I have never been good at goodbyes and this one was pretty emotional for me, I didn't realise until this point how much love I had for her. Walking out of the flat was so hard and hearing her crying as I walked away broke my heart.

Walking into class today was so hard, I didn't want to teach I felt so crappy but I had to pull myself together and get on with it, there is no time for personal emotions when teaching, however my students could see that I wasn't my normal bubbly self and I had to explain why I was so withdrawn, bless them they were so sweet about it. Coming home after class was hard, to see her bed empty and to read the message that she had written to me, made me cry all over again. I have to admit even as I write this I have tears rolling down my face. However I know that we have a friendship that spans land and sea and that she will be back to visit Inshallah one day.

I hope and pray for her that her father recovers and she is happy and successful in everything she does in life. I know that she would want me to be happy and not cry so, I will wipe back these tears and put on a happy face and get on with things. I just have to learn to accept that this is the world of the TEFL teacher, nothing is forever.

Well dear readers I have to admit writing always makes me feel better, as if I am purging my soul and releasing the emotions that I feel inside. I just hope my next post is not tinged with such sadness, I am sure I will be writing about something much happier as really I hate to be sad it is just not in my nature. So good night and we will speak again real soon xxx